Family Feud

My primary motivation for doing this blog is to be able to look back in years to come and remember what we were up to and revisit memories that might have slipped from the forefront of our minds. Things happen EVERY DAY that I think are hilarious or noteworthy and the next day I find myself being that person "oh, the funniest thing happened yesterday...what was that?" These precious years are flying by and I want to document what I can. (Plus, I'm not very good at the boys' baby books so at least we'll have this...)

Having said all that, I'm going to post about something that I normally don't post about, but it's been on my mind quite a bit lately.........to have #3 or not to have #3 (if we would be so blessed)....... I figure in 10 years I might forget just how I was feeling about this and I might wish I could remember.

Last month we had a pregnancy "scare" if you can call it that. I have been 50/50 on whether or not I want another baby. If you ask Luke he would say he 100% does not, but I think really he's at 75/25. :) He thinks about it from a financial perspective, while I think most women think about it from an emotional perspective. He once asked me if I really wanted another one. I told him that I love the boys so. much. that they are so incredible, how could I not want another one.

Part of me longs to have another baby. I went into Buy Buy Baby a couple of weeks ago and I thought to myself that I didn't really need anything from there anymore. And I may never again. That makes me so sad. I loved being pregnant, I loved delivering both boys. I loved having a newborn and I love love love each second of them even more as they grow.

When Will was born our lives changed. I entered not only motherhood, where my every single first thought is "how will that affect Will" but we also entered the stage of Parents of Young Children which means limited Luke and Sarah time, no sleeping in, no relaxing at the beach, the list goes on. There is something to be said for moving forward with our lives now; the end of the most physically demanding portion of the Parents of Young Children stage is in sight. Maybe in a year or 2 we'll be able to go to a restaurant and not be stressed, playing referee, negotiating foods, bribing little people, but maybe enjoy a nice meal. Maybe in a year or two we'll be able to sit on the beach in Michigan and enjoy some adult conversation, maybe even read a book, while the boys play nicely together. Ok, maybe that's all wishful thinking. I know parenthood doesn't go away when the little ones reach 4 but it does get less physically demanding and easier when they can comprehend threats. :)

But there's also the things we would need to consider outside of my emotions. If we had #3 we would have to buy a new car. If we had #3, two of them would have to share a room. If we had #3 and it was a girl, I don't know how I would feel about all of them being downstairs together especially when they're teenagers (fast forward to mixed gender sleep overs...).....with Luke and I so far away upstairs.

During this "scare"... I was going through all of these thoughts and emotions times 1000. I kind of thought, ok, if it's supposed to happen it's going to happen now. I thought it's now or never. This is it. I can put the yes or no, maybe or maybe not thoughts to rest and know for sure whether we'll be a family of 4 or a family of 5. It was monopolizing my mind.

When I realized I'm not, I was a bit sad. I (for a second) mourned the thought of not being able to have another baby. But then I quickly realized how foolish of me to think that has to be now or never. That's not true. I don't even know why I took on that attitude. So moral of the story is who knows. Probably not....but maybe. And as much as I would like to know whether or not we will be 4 or 5 that decision will just have to wait.

All I know is that for now I am absolutely savoring every single moment with Dane. I have since the day he was born. I have been more relaxed, enjoyed it more, taken in everything I can and appreciated all of his moments, as best I can, every day. I am savoring every snuggle, every kiss, every bedtime. I realize Dane may be my last. I realize his "baby" days are quickly coming to an end. He's running and talking. But I still can see glimpses of baby in him when he takes his paci and blanket, when he snuggles up. When he naps in his crib on his tummy with his legs tucked up under him. I love those moments, and not one of them passes without my appreciation for this sweet baby. Both my sweet boys. I'm so grateful.